Looking Through the Glass

Where I went wrong

I didn't make the first half of Qianye (前夜) work. The students give up their phones too easily, and later they turn against the person who helped them too easily. I can follow the plot, but I haven't done enough to make those choices convincing.

The phone collection bothers me most. On the night before their entrance exams, Miyu tells the dorm that capable students can wake without alarms. She is the popular girl, smiling and presenting the idea as a way to help everyone sleep well. The phones go into a transparent box, and the dorm's wake-up broadcast is switched off.

I showed the collection and the switched-off broadcast, but I didn't show enough of Miyu persuading anyone. With an entrance exam the next morning, I'd expect someone to hold on to their phone. Her popularity might make it difficult to refuse; I still needed to show how that pressure worked on a person who didn't want to agree.

The same weakness catches up with me when the others blame Haruka. She wakes everyone in time for the exam. After Miyu is reprimanded and dies from an asthma attack, Haruka's childhood friend Yuma accuses her, and the group eventually locks her outside. I needed to spend more time on why they accept his accusation. As it stands, people she has just helped become her enemies because the story needs them to.

There is enough material here for a better opening. I hurried through the difficult part: getting someone to agree, then getting them to turn on someone else. A tighter cut would still leave me with those missing exchanges.

Once Haruka is outside

I feel much better about the second half. Haruka is freezing on the balcony, beating on the glass. Yuma is inside the warm room. She wants him to open the door; he keeps blaming her. They can see each other clearly, and he can respond if he chooses to. I don't have to move on to another event to make her situation worse. I can stay with her trying to get through to him.

This stretch feels more carefully worked through to me. I spent a long time making the music in MiniMax, and I like these scenes much more with it in place. The performance and the music are what I would want to keep if I went back to the episode.

I also like the small action after Haruka wakes up back in the dorm, before any of this has happened. She puts a spare wind-up alarm into her own bag. Earlier she made sure everyone got up. This time she quietly makes arrangements for herself.

A moment in Huanhunshu

There is a moment in Huanhunshu (换婚书) that helps me see what I missed. At the party, people draw away from Scarlett, and her sister Sienna crosses the room to stand beside her. The episode has plenty of voiceover, but I can also watch Sienna make that decision. She goes towards the person everyone else is avoiding. It gives me something to believe about their relationship.

Qianye asks for a subtler kind of pressure. Miyu needs to make refusing her uncomfortable while continuing to look as though she is helping. I would like to have seen one person try to keep their phone, then watched how she responded and how the others made that person give in. That would give her influence a chance to become visible in the scene.

That is where I would start again. I would give the phone collection more time and find something else to cut. I want to believe that first decision before I ask anyone to follow the rest of the episode.